Guest Pregnancy Journal Entry
This is my third pregnancy, and I wanted to share a little about me and this experience so far.
I have an almost three-year-old, and an almost two-year-old. My first two pregnancies were easy. I didn’t struggle much with them at all.
12 Weeks Pregnant (Baby is the Size of an Apricot)
Surprise Pregnancy
This pregnancy has been really difficult, because we weren’t trying. In fact, we had been actively trying not to get pregnant, using protection and, when needed, the morning-after pill.
I don’t take the pill as it has affected me physically and mentally, and I’ve been hesitant to get an IUD.
Anxiety, Dread and Feeling Overwhelmed
When I first learned I was pregnant (and I know this may sound horrible), I was far from excited.
Instead, I was filled with anxiety and dread. No matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t feel happy or excited about it.
Everything piled up at once, our current work situation (due to the pandemic), our living situation, and all the stress I knew would come with juggling three young children.
It was daunting and scary. I remember breaking down crying with my husband. I truly didn’t know what to do.
Luckily, he was supportive and reassured me it was going to be okay, that we were having another baby, and that it was a blessing.
Pregnancy Symptoms (The Worst I’ve Ever Felt)
When the early pregnancy symptoms kicked in, it was honestly the worst.
I’ve never experienced a pregnancy like it, sick from morning to evening. I lost around 10lb in two weeks because I couldn’t keep anything down, combined with extreme headaches and dehydration.
I ended up with multiple trips to A&E, and (very bruised arms later), we finally had our scan booked for the 8th of June. This was going to be my first ever appointment for this pregnancy.
The first trimester has been so unbearable that again, I couldn’t find any happiness in being pregnant. It hasn’t been exciting like the first two, rather it has been filled with dread, worry and horrible sickness. So much so, I never want to get pregnant again.
First Scan (and a Turning Point)
As the scan got closer, something shifted. It somehow made me feel a little better, and I began to feel a tiny bit excited.
Then we had the appointment, and I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
The experience is so magical, no matter how many children you’ve had. That first tiny heartbeat is so beautiful and reassuring.
We had a lovely sonographer who kept us reassured and explained every little thing we were seeing. It turns out this one is a little stubborn butter bean (my nickname for them currently) and wouldn’t move at all for a good scan.
This one little moment washed away most of the uneasiness I was feeling, and I began to feel excitement and anticipation, the real wanting-to-meet-you feeling.
If You’re Feeling This Too
I hope this helps other women who have experienced similar feelings.
I understand the shock and anxiety an unplanned pregnancy can cause, and I hope you find hope in knowing the excitement may come soon too.
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Gentle Affirmations for Today
- I can feel more than one thing at once.
- This is hard, and I am still doing it.
- My feelings are information, not a verdict.
- I am allowed to take this one day at a time.
Pregnancy Journal
If you’d like a place to document your experience honestly, you can explore our Pregnancy Journal here: