Brave mum-to-be Tesa shares her miscarriage scare at 8 weeks. Read on to hear her story.
Guest Pregnancy Journal: 29 Weeks – Suspected Miscarriage at 8 Weeks
Week: 29
Baby is the size of a: Butternut squash
First of all, I just wanted to say how much of a huge fan I am of your journal. I use it each week without fail and love it. Unfortunately it arrived the week of my suspected miscarriage and I did not want to journal anything as the whole thing was quite terrifying.
I do understand how lucky I am to have not miscarried, and I can understand how this can be triggering for people who have. But at the same time, I think this is something not talked about enough in pregnancy. We are taught bleeding is bad, and most of the time it is.
I was early in week 9 of my pregnancy (we thought it was week 11 at the time, but I was put back at my scan). I came home from work for lunch and when I sat down I felt a gush of liquid. This is my first pregnancy and I just thought that was strange. I went to the bathroom and there was blood, a large amount all in one clump or clot.
The bleeding kept coming so I called my midwife, who is fantastic. We were having one of those random summer days that hit 35 degrees and she started with, “I have had a few of these phone calls today,” which wasn’t very reassuring. She told me to put in maternity pads and if I was changing more than one an hour, I needed to call her back and go to ED. The bleeding had slowed down, but my heartache and worry hadn’t. Unfortunately, she could not do much so early on once the bleeding slowed down.
The next day she saw me in clinic. It was too early to check the heartbeat and she said she probably wouldn’t find it anyway. In South Canterbury there is also a thing about not over-scanning people. She sent me for blood tests two days in a row to see if my HCG was still rising.
Waiting for those results was horrific. I was trying to work as people did not know I was pregnant, and trying not to stress because stress can harm the baby. My levels were rising, but not like they should have been for what we thought was 11 weeks. This left a huge hole and 10 days until my already scheduled scan. The midwife made the call to wait, as our ultrasound place is extremely busy.
When we went for the scan everything was thankfully and luckily ok, but this was 14 days after I bled and the way that physically and mentally wears on your body was something I don’t wish on anyone. Since talking to more people about this, I have learned a lot of women can experience bleeding. A friend of my mum’s who was a midwife years ago said it used to be considered a “final clean out” from leftover blood. I wish I had discussed it more at the time, but because I was before 12 weeks, it was my first baby and a surprise, I kept quiet and grieved with my fiancé and mum.
Luckily my story was one of the lucky ones, but it doesn’t make those 14 days any less real. You get a glimpse at what people really go through and how heartbreakingly awful it is.
My whole first trimester I was horrifically ill with sickness and vomiting each day. That stopped around 16 weeks and since then I have had the odd day of vomiting. In my 12 and 20 week scans they monitored my pregnancy more closely to make sure there was no slight tear or anything that could have caused the bleeding. At this point they can’t locate anything.
I have been so anxious since, and I feel that gush of liquid more than I would like to admit. Every time I feel my baby move these days I smile because I came so close to not getting that feeling. I know how lucky I am to be only about 11 weeks off meeting our little one.
I know that even just one person’s story might have made those 14 days slightly more bearable. When you are in the early stages and no one knows you are pregnant, you don’t know what is normal and what isn’t. Your midwife can tell you it’s fine and not enough blood, but sometimes knowing someone else has been there helps you understand more. I now know I did not lose enough blood, but when you are going through it, you think you must have. Why else would you be bleeding?
If after reading this you’d be happy to share your own experience of pregnancy, please email megan@forgetmenotjournals.com to receive one of these pages, or send a photo of your own pregnancy journal.
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If you’re documenting your own journey, the Pregnancy Journal – Made With Love is designed to guide you week by week, with space for the moments you never want to forget.