IVF Journey Journal NZ: How Writing Helped Me Through Fertility Treatment
There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes with fertility treatment. You might be surrounded by supportive whānau, a loving partner, and the best specialists Auckland or Wellington have to offer — and still feel utterly alone at 2am, wondering if this cycle will be the one. If you're reading this from somewhere in Aotearoa, perhaps between appointments at Fertility Associates or while waiting for blood test results at your local lab, I want you to know something: your feelings deserve a place to land.
Journalling during IVF isn't about positive thinking or manifesting outcomes. It's messier and more honest than that. It's about giving yourself permission to feel everything — the hope, the grief, the frustration at yet another baby shower invitation, the strange guilt when you can't feel grateful enough. Some moments deserve more than a camera roll, and some moments deserve more than being carried silently in your head.
This post explores how writing became a lifeline for many New Zealanders navigating fertility treatment, and why starting a pregnancy journal before conception might be one of the kindest things you do for yourself — regardless of how your story unfolds.
The Emotional Reality of IVF That Nobody Prepares You For
Let's be honest about what IVF actually feels like, because the clinical pamphlets don't quite capture it. Yes, there are the injections — teaching yourself to administer them at the kitchen bench while your partner watches nervously. The early morning drives to the clinic before work, trying to act normal in your 9am meeting while wondering about follicle counts. The hormone-induced mood swings that make you cry at a Countdown ad featuring a family eating dinner together.
But beyond the physical reality, there's an emotional weight that accumulates. Each cycle carries its own arc of hope and uncertainty. You learn to speak in acronyms — IUI, FET, AMH, TWW — that would have meant nothing to you a year ago. You become fluent in a language you never wanted to learn.
For many Kiwi women, there's also the particular challenge of our "she'll be right" culture. We're conditioned to get on with things, to not make a fuss. But fertility struggles require a different kind of courage — the courage to acknowledge that this is hard, that you're allowed to struggle, and that your experience matters enough to document.
Why Talking Isn't Always Enough
You might have wonderful friends who listen. Perhaps you've found an online community or a local support group through Health New Zealand's fertility services. These connections are invaluable. But there are thoughts that feel too raw, too complicated, or too contradictory to speak aloud. Writing gives those thoughts somewhere to go.
There's also something about the permanence of written words. In conversation, your feelings disappear into the air. On paper, they become real and witnessed — even if the only witness is yourself.
Starting a Pregnancy Journal Before Pregnancy: Why Pre-Conception Matters
Here's something that might seem counterintuitive: beginning a pregnancy journal during fertility treatment, before you're actually pregnant. It sounds almost cruel, doesn't it? Like tempting fate. But hear me out.
The journey to your baby — however long and winding — is part of their story too. When your child eventually asks where they came from, wouldn't you want to tell them the whole truth? Not just the pregnancy months, but the months or years before. The wanting. The waiting. The fierce determination that brought them into existence.
The Pregnancy Journal Made With Love begins with pages dedicated to your journey to conception. It acknowledges that for many families, pregnancy doesn't start with a surprise positive test — it starts much earlier, with hope and medical appointments and sometimes heartbreak. This isn't accidental. It's designed for the real stories, not just the easy ones.
Recording your pre-conception experience serves another purpose too. On difficult days during pregnancy — because yes, even longed-for pregnancies have difficult days — you'll have a written reminder of how much you wanted this. It becomes a touchstone, a way of honouring the full journey rather than just the destination.
What to Write When You Don't Know What to Say
Staring at a blank page during emotional turmoil can feel impossible. Where do you even begin when your feelings are a tangled mess of anxiety and hope and exhaustion? The good news is that journalling during IVF doesn't require eloquence. It doesn't require complete sentences. It doesn't require making sense.
Simple Prompts for Fertility Treatment Days
If you're struggling to start, try these approaches:
Document the practical details. Date, cycle day, what happened at today's appointment, what medications you're taking. Sometimes when emotions are overwhelming, facts feel safer. And later, having this record can be surprisingly useful — both medically and emotionally.
Write letters to your future child. The To My Child Baby Journal is designed for exactly this — recording thoughts, hopes, and stories for a child who doesn't exist yet. There's something powerful about writing to the person you're trying so hard to bring into the world. It makes them feel more real. It reminds you why you're doing this.
Capture contradictions without resolving them. "I feel hopeful AND terrified. I want to try again AND I want to stop." These contradictions are normal. You don't have to choose one feeling and suppress the other. Your journal can hold all of it.
Use gratitude carefully. On some days, gratitude practices help. On other days, being told to feel grateful feels like a slap in the face. The Note to Self Gratitude Journal includes prompts that go beyond surface-level positivity — it's designed for real life, including the hard parts. Use it when it serves you, and set it aside when it doesn't.
Navigating the Two-Week Wait With Words
If you've experienced IVF, you know the two-week wait. That interminable stretch between embryo transfer and pregnancy test, when every twinge could mean something or nothing. When you're simultaneously convinced you're pregnant and convinced it hasn't worked. When you try not to think about it, which of course makes you think about it constantly.
This is prime journalling territory. Not because writing will make the time pass faster — nothing does that — but because it gives your racing thoughts somewhere to go besides endless loops in your head. Some women find it helpful to write every day during this period. Others prefer to write once, at the end, regardless of the outcome. There's no right approach.
What matters is having a practice that acknowledges the enormity of what you're experiencing. In everyday life, you're probably functioning normally — going to work, buying groceries at Pak'nSave, having dinner in Ponsonby with friends who don't know what you're going through. Meanwhile, your entire future hangs in the balance. Writing bridges that gap between your outer normality and your inner reality.
When Cycles Don't Work: Documenting Grief Without Shame
We need to talk about negative results, because pretending they don't happen helps no one. Not every IVF cycle succeeds. Some journeys include multiple failures, chemical pregnancies, or early losses. This is devastatingly common and devastatingly painful.
Your journal can hold this grief too. In fact, writing might be especially important during these periods. Grief that isn't expressed doesn't disappear — it just goes underground, surfacing later as anxiety, depression, or resentment. Putting words to loss is a form of honouring it.
You might write about what this baby would have been. About the due date you'd already calculated in your head. About the specific way this particular loss felt different from previous ones. None of this is morbid. It's real. And your real feelings deserve a place of their own.
When you're ready — which might be weeks or months later — you might also write about deciding to try again, or deciding to stop, or exploring other paths like finding a midwife after a successful cycle, or researching donor options, or considering adoption. These decisions deserve documentation too.
Beyond IVF: Using Your Journal Throughout Pregnancy and Parenthood
When fertility treatment does result in pregnancy — and for many, eventually it does — your journal transforms with you. Suddenly you're documenting first scans, early symptoms, and the surreal experience of finally being pregnant after waiting so long.
Many IVF parents describe pregnancy after infertility as a complicated emotional experience. You might feel guarded, waiting for something to go wrong. You might feel guilty for not being purely joyful. You might feel disconnected, struggling to believe this is real. All of this belongs in your journal. Not for perfection, just for remembering.
As your pregnancy progresses, resources like our guide to what foods to eat when pregnant and understanding your postpartum recovery timeline become relevant. Plunket offers excellent ongoing support throughout pregnancy and early parenthood. But your journal remains your private space to record the personal experience beneath all the practical advice.
Our complete collection of baby books and personalised baby journals allows you to continue documenting your child's story once they arrive — a story that began long before their birth, in the pages you filled during fertility treatment.
Choosing What to Keep and What to Share
A final thought about privacy. Your IVF journal might contain content you eventually share with your child — the hope, the perseverance, the love that brought them here. It might also contain content that stays private forever — the darkest days, the relationship strains, the moments you're not proud of. Both are valid uses of journalling.
Some parents create two records: an unfiltered personal journal for processing, and a curated version for their future child. Others trust that their child, when grown, can handle the full truth of how much they were wanted and what it cost to bring them here.
Whatever you choose, know this: the act of writing matters more than what anyone else eventually reads. Record today, remember tomorrow — or don't, if some memories are just for you. This is your story. Tell it however you need to.
Frequently Asked Questions About Journalling During IVF
When should I start journalling during fertility treatment?
There's no wrong time to begin. Some people start journalling when they first suspect they might need fertility assistance. Others begin after their first clinic appointment, or midway through treatment when emotions become overwhelming. The "right" time is whenever you feel ready to put your experience into words. Even starting partway through your journey allows you to capture your current reality and work backwards if you choose to.
What if journalling makes me feel worse instead of better?
This can happen, and it's important to honour that experience. Journalling forces you to confront feelings you might otherwise avoid, which can temporarily intensify them. If you find writing consistently draining rather than relieving, try shorter sessions, less frequent entries, or focusing only on practical details rather than emotions. Alternatively, give yourself permission to pause and return to it later. Journalling is a tool, not an obligation.
Should I use a specific journal for IVF or any blank notebook?
Both approaches work. A blank notebook offers complete freedom and no structure. Purpose-designed journals like the Pregnancy Journal Made With Love include dedicated sections for pre-conception and fertility treatment, with prompts that acknowledge the complexity of conception journeys. The structure can feel supportive if you're not sure what to write, while the blank pages within offer space for freeform expression.
How do I write about IVF without being overwhelmed by negative emotions?
Consider balancing your entries intentionally. You might begin each session by noting one small positive from your day — even something as minor as good coffee or sunshine in Tāmaki Makaurau — before moving into heavier content. The Note to Self Gratitude Journal uses this approach thoughtfully. Another technique is time-limiting your sessions: write intensely for 15 minutes, then close the journal and move on with your day.
Will my child want to read about my fertility struggles when they're older?
Research suggests that children generally appreciate knowing their origin story, including the challenges involved in bringing them into existence. It helps them understand how wanted they were. However, you control what you share. Many parents keep their raw processing journals private while creating a separate, curated record using a baby journal to share their journey in age-appropriate ways. There's no rush to decide — your child won't be ready for this information for many years.