20 Weeks Pregnant
Baby is the size of a: Banana
Current weight: 69kg (3.5kg gained)
Cravings: None, weirdly.
Symptoms: Very sore sciatic nerve and ligament pain.
This brave mama shares her experience of pregnancy after miscarriage, navigating grief, surgery complications and the quiet anxiety that follows loss — while holding onto hope for her rainbow baby.
How have you been feeling?
Very nervous up to this point. That was until my 20 week scan on Monday confirmed a happy, healthy, growing baby. I lost a baby mid last year and found out at my 12 week scan, all alone during level 3 lockdown.
Would you feel comfortable sharing your miscarriage experience?
I discovered I had miscarried when I went for my 12 week scan. I had a dating scan at 7 weeks which showed a heartbeat, and at 10 weeks my midwife found a 144bpm heartbeat reading on her monitor — even though we couldn’t hear it clearly because baby was sitting low by my hip.
I had no health issues, exercised regularly, ate all the “right” foods. I felt normal pregnancy symptoms daily. No cramping. No bleeding. No warning signs.
The night before my scan we went into level 3 lockdown. I was disappointed my husband couldn’t come.
I went in alone. When the sonographer placed the scanner on my stomach, the uterus was big and black. There was a small object on the left side — the baby. There was no blood flow. No heartbeat. No growth past what looked like nine weeks.
I burst into tears. I left the clinic and cried in my car before calling my husband. He was five minutes away and came straight to me. The rest of that day was a blur.
I was given three options: wait for my body to miscarry naturally, take medication, or have surgery. I chose surgery. A week later I had a D&C. It went smoothly.
Seven weeks later my period returned. Seven weeks after that it didn’t. A positive test. But I knew something wasn’t right. Scans showed 2cm of tissue had been missed in surgery — 16 weeks after the first operation.
I needed a second surgery. This time there were complications and recovery was painful. Seventeen days later the bleeding finally stopped. My HCG returned to zero. It felt like we had finally reached the end.
Two months later, after two cycles as recommended, I fell pregnant again.
Excited. But so nervous.
I’m most excited about:
Seeing my toddler become a big brother and finally welcoming this new life into our family.
I can’t wait to:
Cuddle, nurture and grow a new life outside the womb and celebrate all the milestones with our second baby.
When I see my body I feel:
So happy that this life has survived. Excited watching my stomach expand as baby grows. I feel bigger this time around, but in a beautiful way.
The first time I felt baby move:
I haven’t yet — my placenta is anterior. It hasn’t helped my worries, but I know in the coming weeks I’ll feel those kicks and hiccups again.
The best thing about the last week:
The 20 week scan. Seeing my beautiful boy, all his fingers and toes, his face and his gorgeous features.
When strangers react to my pregnancy I feel:
A lot bigger — they often assume I’m further along than I am!
How I’m going with exercise, sleep and health:
I’m keeping up with weekly boot camps, daily walks with my toddler and dog. I’m proud I can still chase him around. Sleep isn’t perfect, but I nap when I can.
If I could say anything to my baby right now:
Keep growing little bub. I can’t wait to meet you when you are big and strong. Your big brother has so much to show you.
You might also like:
- 29 Weeks Pregnant – Suspected Miscarriage at 8 Weeks
- 33 Weeks Pregnant After Loss of a Child
- Pregnancy Affirmations After Loss
Our Pregnancy Journal
If you’re navigating pregnancy after loss, writing can be incredibly grounding. Our Pregnancy Journal gently guides you week by week, helping you process emotions, track milestones and hold space for both fear and hope.
If you would like to share your own story, please email megan@forgetmenotjournals.com. Your words may help another mama feel less alone.